I’ve known my husband for over 21 years now, and we’ve been married for 18 of them. We dated for three years before tying the knot, getting to know each other’s quirks, habits, and that special brand of weirdness you only reveal when you’re really comfortable with someone. It’s been a beautiful ride so far – one filled with love, laughter, and the occasional “I’m-not-speaking-to-you-for-30-minutes” moment. But here’s the kicker – we respect each other like no other. And even when we argue (which isn’t often), we say what’s on our minds, stew in our annoyance for a few minutes, and then it’s back to normal, like nothing ever happened.

And that’s what a long-lasting relationship is about. It’s not about how much love you start with – that butterflies-in-the-stomach, “oh my God, they’re perfect” phase is all well and good. But the real magic happens when you build that love, little by little, every single day, until the very end. Because let’s be real, after the honeymoon phase fades (and it will), the real work begins.

You know what they don’t tell you in those glossy wedding magazines or the fairy-tale romance movies? The hard part isn’t picking the perfect white gown or deciding on cake flavors. Nope, the hard work starts after you’ve said “I do.” It’s two individual people, with their own lives, interests, and yes, occasional differences, trying to make a relationship work, day in and day out, for as long as it possibly can. And sometimes that takes more than just love; it takes effort, collaboration, and a whole lot of mutual respect.

Now, after 18 years of marriage, I can confidently say that a great relationship comes down to two simple things: appreciating your similarities and respecting your differences. Sounds easy, right? But those differences – oh, they can sneak up on you. You think you know your partner inside and out, but then one day, bam!  Maybe it’s the way they eat—a perfectly plated meal you carefully prepared, only to watch them mix it all up like gumbo. And suddenly, you’re questioning everything! (True story.)

But here’s where the magic happens – in the respecting part. Sure, maybe your partner has a weird habit or likes swaying back and forth when there’s no music playing (this gets on my last nerve!), but instead of letting it drive you up the wall, you learn to respect that those quirks are part of who they are. And vice versa. Maybe you have your own little habits that they’ve grown to love (or at least tolerate with a smile). It’s in that mutual respect that the foundation of a lasting relationship is built. You don’t try to change each other; you embrace the differences.

Another secret to a great relationship? Don’t stop dating each other. Remember the important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, and yes, even the corny ones like valentine’s day. Celebrate all the wins, big and small—whether it’s a success at work, a personal milestone, or even something as simple as winning $50 on a scratch-off ticket. It’s the little moments of joy that help keep the spark alive. After 18 years together, trust me—it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind: work, bills, aging parents, endless responsibilities. But here’s the thing: you’ve got to make time. Plan date nights, even if it’s just takeout and a movie at home. Snuggle on the couch, reminisce about the early days, and laugh about the silly things that once seemed like a big deal.

One thing my husband and I have mastered over the years is learning each other so well that we can practically finish each other’s sentences. Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s not some sort of superpower we were born with. It’s simply the result of putting in the work, paying attention, and genuinely caring about what makes each other tick. It’s knowing that he prefers his coffee made in a Phin while I need a latte made with oatmilk and a little honey added, or that I’d rather watch a rom-com, but I’ll sit through his Star Wars movie because I know it makes him happy.

It’s not rocket science, folks. It’s just about being present, putting in the effort, and not taking the easy way out. Love isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it’s messy, sometimes it’s tough, but if you’re both willing to put in the work, it’s so damn worth it.

So no, it’s not about how much love you have at the start of the relationship. It’s about how much love you’re willing to build, day after day, until the very end. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what makes a relationship truly great.

Thanks for reading to the end and here’s another awesome post about friendship. Enjoy!